I’ve been seeing a fair number of Facebook posts on this subject lately. We’re entering this kind of era of self-care and wellness which I appreciate and so I thought I’d chime in with my thoughts.
The particulars of how we criticize ourselves is bit of a complicated topic. In general, some of us are quite confident and take feedback well; others are in phases of insecurity. Still others don’t really have an opinion at all about themselves.
Historically, I’ve been quite harsh with myself. I’m very particular about what is good and what is not. This is positive for growth. I’m happy to say that my progress in most areas of my life that I care about has been rapid. However, there is a point where this becomes a negative. If you are feeling stuck or insecure about a particular behaviour or skill, constantly nagging at it can cause you to lose your will to continue your self-improvement.
Self-acceptance is a nice happy medium where we take a moment to understand how we feel. You can do this with me right now. Close your eyes and think about something you want to improve about yourself. Now, instead of instantly being critical, think about how you feel about where you are presently with that topic.
If you are feeling pretty down in the dumps about it, read this paragraph and don’t continue beyond it. I want you to think about how you used to handle these things maybe 5 years ago. At this point, think about how you are about this today. It’s likely that you have improved greatly. I recommend that you appreciate how far you’ve come. Keep thinking about that for as long as you need and come back and read the next paragraph of this post in a few days when you are ready.
If you are thinking about your present situation and you see how you have improved and how you haven’t and have a fairly calm and positive feeling about it, it’s time to push yourself a bit. Think about specifics of what you would like to do better the next time you have an opportunity. Have a clear vision for yourself about the way you would like to improve and what your version of perfect looks like. If you can practice now, do so. If the improvement area is situational, revisit this vision on a regular basis until you have a chance to act on it in practice.
Happy holidays everyone. Grow when you can. Go easy on yourself when you can’t.
S